Last week I participated in the second residential of Place for Hope's Faith in Change and Conflict programme in the beautiful setting of Kinnoull monastery, Perth. It is the course used to train mediators, but it is open to all in leadership who want to deepen their learning about conflict, change and transition in faith contexts, in order to strengthen their skills.
Our cohort was a mixture of those in ministry in the URC and the Church of Scotland, and on our final day we spent time considering why conflict arises in church settings and what makes those conflicts different from secular settings. We also talked about what you need for a healthy community of faith to grow and develop, recognising that conflict is a part of that.
One of the tools which I found most helpful was the introduction of the conflict puzzle. The four jigsaw pieces were labelled as follows:
- Behaviour
- Feelings
- Issues
- Relationships
These were the lens we were to use in considering a particular conflict situation. To help us understand how that worked, we applied them to a bible story of our choice. As we read through the story we identified the behaviour that was evident. We then asked, 'what were the feelings of each of the characters in the story?', followed by, 'what are the issues at stake?'. Finally, we explored what was going on in the relationships that existed between the various characters. All the while, we were delving deeper into the story and not simply taking it on face value. And that's the point - to look below the surface and understand what is driving particular behaviours or feelings.
But to do that requires time, energy, space and a willingness to engage with the parties involved.
Over the course of the training we discovered the differences between conflict management, conflict resolution and conflict transformation. You go from managing the conflict, to finding a resolution to the particular issues that have arisen, to transforming culture. It is not always possible to reach that end goal, but even holding on to it as an aspiration may change the way we approach conflict.
We all experience and handle conflict differently, and there is much we can do to develop our understanding and skills in this area. There are also people who can come alongside us to help us when we get stuck. I for one, am glad of those people in our midst who embody the words of Paul about us having a ministry of reconciliation*.
If you are interested in finding out more about Place for Hope, check out their website https://www.placeforhope.org.uk/home/.
Rev Stella
*"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation." 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
This is because conflict transformation is more than a set of specific techniques. It is about a way of looking and seeing, and it provides a set of lenses through which we make sense of social conflict. These lenses draw our attention to certain aspects of conflict, and help us to bring the overall meaning of the conflict into sharper focus.
John Paul Lederach
